I was in my late teens a friend of mine, an elite athlete, gave me the
most profound, yet simple advice that changed the way I would view
myself forever. He told me:
"If you don't think very highly of yourself, you
can't expect anyone else to think it of you."
Translation - It means that we alone are
responsible for building self-confidence. We
cannot depend upon, or wait for anyone else's approval. We must see
ourselves as worthy and capable of achieving anything we choose to
Ultimately, how we see ourselves is more important
than how anyone else sees us.
If we don't work at loving and accepting
ourselves, nothing anyone else thinks matters.
In a similar vein, have you ever felt that you
don't measure up to others overall? In that case, think about how many
times you may have met a gorgeous man or woman and then afterwards
forgot how good looking they were because they had nothing interesting
to say or could add nothing of value to your perspective. I would think
it happens more often than not!
Consider that in an opinion poll done by Men's Health Magazine
(1,000 American women ages 21 to 54 in two online polls) women rated
traits relating to character and
personality much higher than they scored those reflecting
In other online questionnaires filled out by both
men and women the number one quality found desirable in someone was
'self-confidence'. Physical attractiveness didn't even make the top
The bottom line is that what you think of, and how
you project yourself, is more important than merely having good looks.
Building self-confidence is not only a great way to attract others, but
a great way to feel good about yourself!
Tips For Building Self-Confidence
Acknowledge Your Uniqueness.
Believe in yourself and know that you are one of a kind. In the words
Walt Whitman know:
"That you are
here--that life exists, and identity;
That the powerful play goes on, and you will contribute a verse."
There is no one else like you on this planet. No one looks like you,
has the same talents, experiences, or perspective as you do. You are unique and are therefore here to
make your unique contribution. If we each focus on what we bring into
the world to share, there can be no comparisons, envy or regret. We are
here to "contribute a verse".
Give it Your Best.
When you do the best you can, with the best of what you've got, you
can't help but feel good about yourself and that confidence comes through in
everything that you do. Giving it your best makes you unafraid to take
risks or step out of your comfort zone - both great
Everybody has setbacks and obstacles to contend with. Don't let them
undermine your confidence. Treat them as opportunities to strengthen
your resolve and then persevere. See Article: The Power
Overcoming adversity builds and
strengthens self-confidence. The greatest songs, works of art and
literary pieces have been written by those who have experienced the
depths of despair, loss and emptiness and overcame them. Experiencing
sadness and loss, and then rising above them, gives rise to hope and
triumph. It makes you stretch and become more than you were.
Set goals for yourself and
then push yourself to reach them. Self-confidence soars when you know
you can do what you put your mind to. It makes you feel
unstoppable. Likewise, achieve mastery. Mastery
experiences are those in which you know you have worked hard and put in
great effort to achieve success.
Separate Yourself From the Event.
You are not what happens to you, nor how you believe others see you. In
other words, you are not defined by what happens to
you, nor are you defined by how others see you. You
are who you choose to be - a person of character, dignity and
Confront your fears.
There's nothing that destroys self-confidence more than succumbing to
fear. Everyone feels fear at various times; we're human, however facing
circumstances with courage and poise strengthens character and builds
self-confidence. Put yourself out there! If you're afraid to meet new
people, attend social events, etc. - don't stay home and fret. Doing
builds confidence. Of course, you'll feel, and probably be awkward the
first few times in new situations, however, the more you do it, the
better you'll get, and therefore the better you'll feel about yourself.
Good looks do not
Some of the most attractive people in the world are insecure and lack
self-confidence. Marilyn Monroe was considered to be one of the
sexiest, most beautiful people in the world, yet she lacked a positive self-image. She misguidedly
allowed external factors, such as the approval of others, to determine
her self worth. Good looks may help you feel good about yourself
temporarily, but are by no means enough.
Take good care of yourself.
When you are in fit, in good health, and make a point of looking your
best, you can't help but feel confident. This is different, of course,
from comparing your looks to others. It's about being comfortable with you.
Everyone looks good when they're in good
shape, well groomed, and healthy. You can't help but have a glow about
you when you take good care of yourself.
Learn how to give yourself a pep talk.
We all have our down moments, moments of doubt, confusion and
uncertainty. When that happens, we must learn how to restore
self-confidence. One way is to understand that everyone goes through
such moments. Another is to remember past successes, visualize the desired outcome,
and keep at it! Practice makes perfect.
Self-confidence is absolutely essential to
achieving success in any endeavor. You acquire it by doing, learning,
accomplishing, and persisting.